| keep passing the open windows |
[Sep. 29th, 2004|10:25 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | determined | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Loose Kid, P.J. Smith | ] |
Self disclosure is always the hardest thing. It forces you to be honest with yourself as well as the other party.
I will face the future with courage
I will not fail in my endeavors if not afraid to learn from mistakes
I will not pass up any opportunity to laugh
I will not pass up chances for adventures
I will enjoy life in every form handed me
I will not let work devour me
I will not let stress overcome me
I will eat more salad
I will be tolerent of vegetarians and people with opposing political views
I will do some volunteer work to promote women's rights
I will become a person I feel proud of
Please, please vote for John Kerry. Please vote period. Please don't let the forthcoming elections be the shamble they were last time. Stand up for yourself, your loved ones. VOTE! |
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| words |
[Sep. 10th, 2004|06:25 pm] |
you know it's going to be an interesting day when you're sitting at a stop light and you get rear ended, get out of the car and realize you know the person who hit you. and instead of saying 'bitch! what the fuck are you doing!' you instead reach out and hug them. it was great to see you Kerri. and nothing more than a scratch on my bumper to match the few I've put on there.
Then I got home and read my email and had an urgent message to call a friend of mine, which I did, being the good friend I am. She offered me a job, the cunt. The perfect job. The job I wanted for the last 10 years. Downtown. With an office. We'll see. I like most of this self employed stuff, except the bookkeeping, but thankfully there's a few angels (named Perri) to help with that part.
I need to go see if it's a full moon. It feels like there must be. |
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| joys of unemployment |
[May. 2nd, 2004|07:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | creative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | velvet teens | ] |
O.K., so far I've been having a pretty good time. Went back to work as a free-lance, or consultant two days a week starting in April. Managed to pay the mortgage and most of the bills without hitting the savings account. If I can stay away from Tar-jay with the daughter I'll be doing o.k.
I was interested in making an entry for the zine about 'leaving things'. Unfortunately I read the instructions wrong. Thought the lenghth was 1500 words and when I got done writing and realized it was 500 I was too fond of what I wrote to cut it that much.
It was fun to write free hand again. I enjoy reading LJ's because of the great examples of writing that flow out of people.
If you'd like to read my story it's here ( Read more... ) |
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| magnolia |
[Apr. 3rd, 2004|08:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | coldplay - clocks (they are always ticking, aren't they?) | ] |
As a parent, you most always want your kids to get whatever it is they want - a new bike, a new hair cut, a new dress, a new transformer toy etc. When they are young and you and your budget are in control of their desires it is pretty easy to fulfill their dreams. When they get older and their wants are different (hopefully!) - what doesn't change is the fact that you want them to get what they want. When they don't - a date with a certain person, a particular grade for a test they studied really hard for, a job they might have applied for, their lack of reaching their desire hurts you almost as much as it does them.
I'm curious as a parent if there comes a point when you quit living every high and low with your child. Do you reach a point of de-sensitivity? do you finally say 'enough is enough' and let them hope /dream / bleed on their own? Or does the umbilical cord carry for the rest of your life? |
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| travelling, travelling, travelling |
[Mar. 20th, 2004|08:05 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mad World | ] |
Wow! What a trip. Enjoyed myself so thoroughly I don't know where to start - didn't make any old ladies cry! Got to see lots of beach (blue, gorgeous, kinda mind numbing after 300 miles....)
Much shopping, silliness. Much fun. The highlights would be:
1) laughing with daughter late at night in cheesy hotel room while she stops every 2 minutes to blow her nose;
2) visiting with best friend from High School and comparing notes on what mother nature has done to our bodies and the joys of motherhood;
3) having dinner with drunken brother and hearing him describe driving 150 mph on the autobahn as 'orgasmic';
4) seeing the original 'Irises' by Van Gogh at the Getty; I could have spent a week just looking at it....
5) not thinking about/dreaming about/waking up in a cold sweat about any thing remotely connected to work;
6) appreciating home so much more because of leaving it for awhile.
I think everyone should go on a road trip at least once a year if they can. It reminds us of all the good things in the world and in our backyards. |
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| curse missed opportunities |
[Feb. 28th, 2004|04:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | ebulliant | ] |
| [ | music |
| | coldplay | ] |
Any suggestions on what to do with my unemployed self? Already planning to drive to LA and go to the Getty, see the beach, make old ladies cry, visit a graveyard or two and get drunk with old friends. All other ideas welcomed. |
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| suggestions for the exit interview? |
[Feb. 15th, 2004|11:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | weird | ] |
| [ | music |
| | teenagers eating in background | ] |
So I've either lost my mind or taken the first step towards reclaiming my sanity. Still not sure which. I gave my 2 weeks notice last Friday. Yes, that's right. One minor child still at home, a spouse who has his own small business that is still tottering and I just gave up a very well paying job.
I've been so unhappy with my work the last 6 months I finally decided that I would rather face the bleak Northwest economy than take so much shit for a regular paycheck and health benefits. I feel like this is my last chance to find something to do with my life other than work and raise kids.
Having at other times in my life gotten up, picked up my purse and walked out the fucking door (notice? you want 2 weeks notice? Fuck you!) I have decided that I want to leave as gracefully as possible. (Actually I'm probably just chicken enough to want to not 'burn my bridges'). This means the dreaded 'exit interview'. Don't know if many of you have been through it, but I actually quit one job by fax rather than go through an exit interview. Imagine being 10 years old and sitting at a table with your principal, vice principal, favorite teacher and best friend all staring holes in you with their burning eye sockets. "But why do you want to leave us?" "What have we done wrong?" "Is there anything we can say or do to make you stay" - and the hardest to resist - "Is this an issue about money? Would a salary review make things more palatable?" - I often wonder if all companies are as oblique about money as the ones I have worked for. They will never just say "O.K. - you have my attention. Will another few hundred a month make you shut up and go back to work?"
So here I go off into the great new world. I applied for a job with the City, helping to take advantage of all that wasted tax payer money. If that doesn't work I really want to apply at Bi-Mart. Every time I go in there all those old ladies look so damn happy to be there. Maybe it's the employee discount? |
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| automobiles |
[Feb. 9th, 2004|05:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | magnolia | ] |
So I'm still loving my new (used) car, except for the stink. Either the trunk leaked or I managed to leave it open overnight during one of our lovely Portland downpours - it wound up with 2 inches of standing water in the trunk. We wiped and swiped and mopped and cleaned and it still stinks. I finally used my household carpet cleaner mixed with some liquid lysol. I don't remember lysol smelling like Chloraseptic, but now my car does. Every time I open the drivers door I think I'm at the dentist.
Is it bad to mourn the loss of perfection in a car? My baby is still shiny, but now she stinks. |
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| winter blahs |
[Jan. 26th, 2004|06:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | coldplay | ] |
I realized today I have a bit of the blahs - it's been mostly grey and rainy what seems like forever (well truly, almost forever - we have seen the sun a few times) -
When I was growing up in California I never understood why tourists would come there in February - to us locals that was a lousy month - too cold for the beach, etc. Now I firmly understand. If you are in someplace with cold and snow, then sunny and 60 would be paradise. Maybe I should go and visit one of my many relations in So Cal - |
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ztm's journal